Films That I Finally Saw: G.I. Joe - the Rise of Cobra

In 3 words: Hmm. Hmm? Meh.

Unlike Transformers, G.I. Joe is a franchise which only has a few sources from which writes Beattie and Elliot and director Stephen Sommers could draw. Taking only from the Marvel comic books and from one cartoon series, the Rise of Cobra provides an interesting premise for a prequel to the original books and cartoons, with an excellent selection of characters. ...despite the absence of Roadblock, which is understandable--they would either have to write his dialogue in rhyme, or remove that most-identifiable trait from his character, and either choice is wrong.
Thus, the question remains with me: why did I eventually want every character to die, just to end the film?
The Rise of Cobra does well what most big-budget films do well, which is to make things explode in various ways. That is perhaps a given, and doesn't deserve a lot of attention.
What this film does not do well is provide characters with any depth, to the point where I would care about any of them. To wit, Shana 'Scarlett' O'Hara:
"Attraction is an emotion. Emotions are not based on science. And if you can't quantify or prove that something exists, well, then in my mind, it doesn't."
Of course, she learns her lesson, at the end of the film. Duh. Nevermind the fact that "science" can provide empirical and quantifiable evidence of the existence of emotions based on vitals and brainwaves, even aside from statistical connection to behaviors. The philosophical mind-body connection is the only missing piece.
...which brings me to the technology involved in this film. When writing a story which involves "nanomites" that make metal simply disappear, did it occur to any of the writers that the law of conservation of matter prevents this? This is 7th grade science, and there are a number of easy solutions which involve simply disassembling the structures, or transforming the chemical compounds into other chemical compounds. The writers apparently did not realize this is a problem, however, just as they apparently do not understand the meaning of the word "weaponize", or what a particle collider does and what one looks like.
Clearly, none of the makers of this film cared to spend any time making the characters or technologies involved any more intelligent than they are. This is a travesty, when the film's budget can easily handle a small consulting fee.
In my standard, that it is possible for films to be fun, action-packed, and smart, the Rise of Cobra fails on the smart, on a grand scale. On the handful of occasions when it tries to sound smart, it whiffs.
Preventing this movie from earning an 'F' is Ray Park, cast as Snake Eyes.

Grade: D